Is Santa in the Mood?

By C. Marguerite Hafeman ©2005

Santa stopped by late one afternoon, back a couple years ago; he wanted an electional horoscope chart done for the beginning of that year’s expedition around the globe, in order to know what to expect along the way. Travel, he noted, was so much more complicated these days. If a sleigh runner wasn’t getting snagged on a high tension wire, some idiot was telling you to circle Des Moines while your luggage was inspected for fruit flies.

Actually seeing him was quite a shock. Gone was the bowl full of jelly belly, down to the merest shade of a happy pooch hanging over his belt. Attired in a red down vest and cowboy hat, the slim-fit designer jeans were complimented by knee-high Louis Vuitton boots. The flowing white locks were caught up in a neat pony-tail and the beard was neatly trimmed to a shadow of its former glory. Still, Santa’s cheeks were quite rosy and the blue eyes twinkled with mischief. He caught me staring and said cryptically, “Keepen’ up with the times ma'am. Great plastic surgeon in Stockholm; regular tanning booth, gym and carrot juice,” then made himself comfortable in front of my consulting table.

He suggested a horoscope chart for December 24th, 2005 at 0:00 am CET -1:00, Longyearbyen on Svalbard Island. Always the accurate astrologer, I said wait, don’t you live at the North Pole? “Not any more,” he replied. “We were getting buzzed by tourists night and day, and besides, with the global warming my workshops were sinking a couple of inches a year. My accountant advised relocating to a country with cheap local labor.” Santa paused to brush an errant snowflake from his Fu Manchu. “Over the years my elves got uppity, started demanding benys. So I cut ‘em loose last spring to work the malls over in the good ole USA. Adapt, I told ‘em; put on a bunny suit. Try bein’ one of them boys who costume up for football and baseball games.”

We got down to the consultation. Santa leaned back and propped his shiny boots on the edge of my desk, then lit a Swisher Sweet. I enquired as to his route. “Gonna buzz Kiritimati, Christmas Island first, then bounce off the Aussies, take a breather in New Delhi, so on and so forth. Basic plan is to fly west in back of the Sun.”

Since his residence is up north, the computer spat out a chart with equal houses. Libra was on the Ascendant at a little past one degree. Hypothetically, you aren’t supposed to trust a chart cast in the first three degrees of a sign. Santa noted, however, that since many people claimed to not believe in his existence either, it was moot point. “Just look at all that Virgo in the house of karma,” he snorted, ash flying. “Didn’t I just get done slaving away for the entire year making stuff for people?”

Past that we had a fine, sociable Moon in Libra hard by the Ascendant, conjunct the South Node, opposing North Node and Vertex of fated events; I thought this an excellent indicator for the widespread social impact Santa has world-wide, and also showed the many meetings he was going to conduct over the next 24 hours on that date. “You better believe some of ‘em are fated,” he growled. “I’m gettin’ more aggressive about demanding peace on earth. Never saw so many visions of guns and high explosives dancing in their heads. Why aren’t sugarplums ever good enough?”

Sighs all around, then I pursued the chart further.“Venus rules the Ascendant. The planet is in humanitarian, futuristic Aquarius, in the fifth house of love, creativity and children, conjunct asteroid Chiron the wounded healer. They are trining the Ascendant and Moon; looks like you’ll be in a great mood to spread love and good times all around on the 24th of the month." “Got Neptune in Aquarius there too,” he noted. “Pour on the ro-mance, the glamour, the mystical Christmas magic, it’s my favorite thing to do.” Santa hummed a pleased little note of anticipation. I bent to the work at hand. “Co-ruler Moon rules the tenth house of career and public reputation; and squares Capricorn Sun in the fourth house of home base during the holiday. So you will certainly getting be getting out and about, (Sun-Moon blend: socially aware, chic, professional; a determined man of high principle and good organization) doing your job. H'mmm, Moon transits to conjunct the South Node at 11:01 am Longyearbyen time, activating a yod with Mars in Taurus and Uranus in Pisces. Mean anything to you?”

Santa guffawed low in his gut. “Ah, sweetheart, that’ll be about the time I kick into hypergear, hon; hitting Beijing then kicking across Africa and Europe. See, it’s gonna be hard to stay on even keel (Moon) between all those quick visits I have to make (Uranus) and inspiring folks to spread the buck around (Mars in Taurus).”

“What about that big fixed cross?" I had to ask, as folks generally dread those hard aspects. "Doesn’t that sort of scare you?”"

“Ah, my dear that is the dynamic tension of the enterprise…what makes for success in career," He donned his monacle and took a peek at the chart. "Jupiter is in the second house of how I make my living (transforming the world with good cheer, hope and generosity) square Saturn in Leo in the eleventh house of community, friends and groups. Heck. Sometimes I think all they want is the loot, nobody cares about me as a person). Square Taurus Mars in the eighth house of sex, death and other people’s money; well, yeah, doesn’t my time of year always hit folks square in the pocketbook; and your nice flannel shirt or basic dolly doesn’t cut it any more! Square Neptune; there’s always a gap between what folks speculate they will get, and what they actually do get.”

I could only nod in agreement. “Well sir, I can give you a pretty upbeat travel advisory. Sagittarian Mercury (the traveler) is in its natural third house of short trips and ruling the chart ninth house of trips to foreign countries. And Merc is trine Saturn and the North Node, so no snafus with airports, buses or battleships that I can see. Besides, Mercury is conjunct asteroid Santa at about 15°Sag 58’, which can’t mean anything but a nod of approval from the cosmos. Pluto sesquiquad Saturn and Mars puts a rocket in your pocket, and the Part of Fortune also in the third house, just adds a happy note of good luck while hanging out in the neighborhood.”

I scanned the chart once more for any details left dangling. “Sun in Capricorn should keep your head on your shoulders; square the Nodes means I hope you aren’t being too critical of who’s naughty and who’s nice this year?” I was actually curious about the status of my own wish list. Santa’s boots came off the desk with a bang and he slapped his thigh with glee.

“Hawh-haw,” he chortled tartly. “Can’t help myself. There’s a few folks in Texas and Washington DC who’re gonna get nothing but little brown packages courtesy of Rudolph in their Christmas stockings.” Santa paused and took a thoughtful pull on his cheroot, the end glowing brightly in the dim twilight. “Unless they manage to locate a little more Christmas charity between now and then.”

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